One of the most beneficial lessons in life management is to harness the power of our self-talk. As I look back at my own life, it's easy to see how my self-talk kept me caught up in the criminal justice system for most of the first 38 years of my life. My thoughts were not focused on change and I spent most of my mental energy on figuring out ways to get better at being a thief!
The impact of my self-talk was not something that was even a part of my conscious awareness. How many of us spend time thinking about what we think about? We might caution our children about thinking negative thoughts, but usually it's just a passing comment. Yet when we become aware of the influence our self-talk has on our lives, it's like a revelation! When I first encountered Lou Tice and became aware of how powerful this concept is, it changed my life. Looking back, it seems so simple, yet so few of us consider how we talk to ourselves.
There is a constant stream of self-talk that is continuously running through our minds. To the degree that the self-talk is negative or devaluing, it lowers our opinion of ourselves and takes much of the joy out of life. The self-talk that runs through a group can lower their expectations. It can be tiring to be around negative people who are always bad mouthing others and tearing down their self-esteem.
Unfortunately, in difficult times, it is easy to get caught up in a downward spiral of negative self-talk. Current reality can be challenging at times, but most of us have gotten through tough situations before. Keeping a positive outlook doesn't mean that you're weak or blind to current reality. However, that energy can be used to stimulate your creativity and allow you to stay motivated.
Change is a part of our world. It can be experienced as a problem that we have no control over, or it can be looked at as an opportunity to open up new markets and create new products and services. The self-talk that goes on in an office or a plant has direct impact on the culture that we work in.
Life isn't always easy. We hit rough spots now and then, and at those times, staying focused on what you want and controlling your self-talk can be a great help. Our mental feedback can paint a picture of what we want or what we don't want. It's a choice. We don't intentionally go around making mistakes, so there's really little value in painting a picture of the mistake. We move toward what we think about. We need to change the picture we paint if it's one we don't like or want in our lives.
A phrase that became a part of my self-talk following a mistake was, "That's not like me. Next time I intend to..." Then you paint a mental picture of what you want. When assisting others, the same techniques work: "That's not like you. I see you as...," and you paint them into a new picture. Gradually, this becomes a part of your new vocabulary. Being positive is not being soft; it creates high expectations in yourself and in others.
Becoming conscious of our self-talk can be a huge leap in awareness and awareness is the first step to change. We were all gifted with the ability to control what we think about. It's been my experience that it's more fun to think about what you want your world to look like. Positive feedback is the breakfast of champions! Look for the unique qualities that make us what we were intended to be - in yourself and in others.
I once saw a poster that showed a picture of a little child with the caption, "God didn't make no junk!" It was very simply and profoundly stated. Keep that in mind when times get a bit challenging. We're all made of strong, resilient stuff and we can get through it!
Peace,
Gordon Graham
Change Agent
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The First Webinar by Instar Performance was a success!
On July 9, Instar Performance conducted our first Webinar: Managing Change in Challenging Times. It was a new experience for me. I'm used to a live audience with the ability to read body language and adjust the presentation accordingly. However, that said, I was very pleased to connect with people across the country without the airports, planes and hotels! I still do live presentations, but this increases our ability to reach more people and stay in touch.
A friend of ours, who works with men and women dealing with drug and alcohol issues, used the opportunity to put me on speaker phone, allowing his group to participate as well. What a nice resource for someone working to make a difference in people's lives.
Instar will be hosting a Webinar every couple of weeks, so if you know individuals or groups who might benefit, let us know. Email us at info@instarperformance.com. The next Webinar will be on Self-Talk, that constant stream of conversation going on in our minds at all times and its power to move us toward or away from our goals and desires. This key concept also allows us to understand how to increase our circle of influence.
Take care and let Instar know how we can assist you in your efforts to improve our families and our communities.
Warm personal regards,
Gordon Graham
Change Agent
Instar Performance
A friend of ours, who works with men and women dealing with drug and alcohol issues, used the opportunity to put me on speaker phone, allowing his group to participate as well. What a nice resource for someone working to make a difference in people's lives.
Instar will be hosting a Webinar every couple of weeks, so if you know individuals or groups who might benefit, let us know. Email us at info@instarperformance.com. The next Webinar will be on Self-Talk, that constant stream of conversation going on in our minds at all times and its power to move us toward or away from our goals and desires. This key concept also allows us to understand how to increase our circle of influence.
Take care and let Instar know how we can assist you in your efforts to improve our families and our communities.
Warm personal regards,
Gordon Graham
Change Agent
Instar Performance
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Accountability
For half my life, I placed the blame for my failures outside my own control. I didn't realize the impact that our thinking patterns have on our behavior. I didn't know that if you change the way you think, you change the way you act. Not just on Sundays, but every day! This was a profound truth for me.
Discovering this truth was a significant emotional event in my life and caused me to have an epiphany - that I have the power to change my life. This was the single most empowering realization of my life, and was the catalyst for turning my life totally around. I had a vision of how I could make a difference in the world, and I never looked back after that day.
The whole idea of the impact of comfort zones was illuminating. I realized that prison had become a comfort zone for me. I felt God had left a component out of me, that I didn't fit in outside prison walls. While there are some people in prison from affluent neighborhoods, they really are the exception. The majority of men and women who fill our prisons come from environments that have few opportunities, where drugs are part of the culture; there are many single parents and a high rate of poverty.
Prison is a part of the expectation for young people in these environments. There are few, if any, decent-paying jobs and they feel locked out of the American dream. Dealing drugs and stealing become part of the culture; even an aspiration. A lot of young people succeed despite the culture, but when there's nothing to lose, there's not much at risk if they get busted. When they come out of prison back into the same old, same old, it's easy to fall back into the same old haunts, same old friends and the next thing they know, they're on the chain car back to SingSing. Some escape the life, and many give back to society and work to make a difference. That's the good news.
Unfortunately, the general public is fed the bad news. Only the heinous crimes get front page. These visuals play over and over in people's living rooms from New York to Seattle. It gradually creates an illusion that everyone locked up is a public safety threat. There are tons of men and women doing good things, but they never, or rarely, make the news.
I recently visited our women's prison in Washington. The cost to the taxpayer is $42,000 per year per inmate. The prison is a better environment than many of these women have on the streets. If we invested half of that amount of money on assistance, childcare, etc., most of those women would never be in prison, or could make it on the outside. Only a small percentage of these women are an actual public safety threat.
Our approach to public safety needs a major overhaul, however when we are talking about threatening people's jobs, change becomes a challenging endeavor.
We have created a system where success is built on failure, a system where the product is people. What a paradox. Maybe someday... We can only hope.
Peace,
Gordon Graham
Change Agent
Discovering this truth was a significant emotional event in my life and caused me to have an epiphany - that I have the power to change my life. This was the single most empowering realization of my life, and was the catalyst for turning my life totally around. I had a vision of how I could make a difference in the world, and I never looked back after that day.
The whole idea of the impact of comfort zones was illuminating. I realized that prison had become a comfort zone for me. I felt God had left a component out of me, that I didn't fit in outside prison walls. While there are some people in prison from affluent neighborhoods, they really are the exception. The majority of men and women who fill our prisons come from environments that have few opportunities, where drugs are part of the culture; there are many single parents and a high rate of poverty.
Prison is a part of the expectation for young people in these environments. There are few, if any, decent-paying jobs and they feel locked out of the American dream. Dealing drugs and stealing become part of the culture; even an aspiration. A lot of young people succeed despite the culture, but when there's nothing to lose, there's not much at risk if they get busted. When they come out of prison back into the same old, same old, it's easy to fall back into the same old haunts, same old friends and the next thing they know, they're on the chain car back to SingSing. Some escape the life, and many give back to society and work to make a difference. That's the good news.
Unfortunately, the general public is fed the bad news. Only the heinous crimes get front page. These visuals play over and over in people's living rooms from New York to Seattle. It gradually creates an illusion that everyone locked up is a public safety threat. There are tons of men and women doing good things, but they never, or rarely, make the news.
I recently visited our women's prison in Washington. The cost to the taxpayer is $42,000 per year per inmate. The prison is a better environment than many of these women have on the streets. If we invested half of that amount of money on assistance, childcare, etc., most of those women would never be in prison, or could make it on the outside. Only a small percentage of these women are an actual public safety threat.
Our approach to public safety needs a major overhaul, however when we are talking about threatening people's jobs, change becomes a challenging endeavor.
We have created a system where success is built on failure, a system where the product is people. What a paradox. Maybe someday... We can only hope.
Peace,
Gordon Graham
Change Agent
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