Controlling your self-talk

One of the most beneficial lessons in life management is to harness the power of our self-talk. As I look back at my own life, it's easy to see how my self-talk kept me caught up in the criminal justice system for most of the first 38 years of my life. My thoughts were not focused on change and I spent most of my mental energy on figuring out ways to get better at being a thief!

The impact of my self-talk was not something that was even a part of my conscious awareness. How many of us spend time thinking about what we think about? We might caution our children about thinking negative thoughts, but usually it's just a passing comment. Yet when we become aware of the influence our self-talk has on our lives, it's like a revelation! When I first encountered Lou Tice and became aware of how powerful this concept is, it changed my life. Looking back, it seems so simple, yet so few of us consider how we talk to ourselves.

There is a constant stream of self-talk that is continuously running through our minds. To the degree that the self-talk is negative or devaluing, it lowers our opinion of ourselves and takes much of the joy out of life. The self-talk that runs through a group can lower their expectations. It can be tiring to be around negative people who are always bad mouthing others and tearing down their self-esteem.

Unfortunately, in difficult times, it is easy to get caught up in a downward spiral of negative self-talk. Current reality can be challenging at times, but most of us have gotten through tough situations before. Keeping a positive outlook doesn't mean that you're weak or blind to current reality. However, that energy can be used to stimulate your creativity and allow you to stay motivated.

Change is a part of our world. It can be experienced as a problem that we have no control over, or it can be looked at as an opportunity to open up new markets and create new products and services. The self-talk that goes on in an office or a plant has direct impact on the culture that we work in.

Life isn't always easy. We hit rough spots now and then, and at those times, staying focused on what you want and controlling your self-talk can be a great help. Our mental feedback can paint a picture of what we want or what we don't want. It's a choice. We don't intentionally go around making mistakes, so there's really little value in painting a picture of the mistake. We move toward what we think about. We need to change the picture we paint if it's one we don't like or want in our lives.

A phrase that became a part of my self-talk following a mistake was, "That's not like me. Next time I intend to..." Then you paint a mental picture of what you want. When assisting others, the same techniques work: "That's not like you. I see you as...," and you paint them into a new picture. Gradually, this becomes a part of your new vocabulary. Being positive is not being soft; it creates high expectations in yourself and in others.

Becoming conscious of our self-talk can be a huge leap in awareness and awareness is the first step to change. We were all gifted with the ability to control what we think about. It's been my experience that it's more fun to think about what you want your world to look like. Positive feedback is the breakfast of champions! Look for the unique qualities that make us what we were intended to be - in yourself and in others.

I once saw a poster that showed a picture of a little child with the caption, "God didn't make no junk!" It was very simply and profoundly stated. Keep that in mind when times get a bit challenging. We're all made of strong, resilient stuff and we can get through it!

Peace,

Gordon Graham
Change Agent