Gordy Graham: What do I want?

What Do I want? 

by Gordon Graham 

When working to change behavior, whether for ourselves or others, it‘s important to keep the focus on what we want the end result to look like.  It’s easy to point out the inappropriate behavior, but this has a tendency to reinforce what we don’t want.  What would it look like without the problem?

When we make an error or mistake we need to learn from it.  Saying to ourselves, “that’s not like me,” and then, “the next time I intend to…,” shuts off all the judgment and puts the focus back on what you want.  The same technique works with young people as well as other adults.  Instead of, “that’s like you, you’re always late,” stop and respond with, “that’s not like you; I see you as a person who is very responsible.”  Then ask what you might do to assist in making a positive change.

It’s also important to catch people doing things right, and when you do, offer positive feedback, e.g., “I really appreciate that you’re such a reliable person; you are very important to our success.”

Don’t expect immediate change, but keep focusing on what you want.  Invite others to have input, and let them know that each of us can make a difference.

Peace,

Gordy Graham

www.ggco.com